Review ...

Review of Alex's crappy month (So Far)Holidays - Sucked, was bored to death and really guilty. Fought with my dad alot, and spent most of my time being grumpy on the computer. Got to meet my uncle Tomas and his wife Adenia, which was cool, but also got to learn how bad my grandfather's life and the lives of his kids was. In general, wholely depressing.New Years - Have a great time at my friend Sylvia's party, it felt like I was with family, really cozy.First Week Back at School - Monday back I was trying to stay positive, I failed all my courses as far as I knew and kept having a nagging feeling at the back of my head. The next day I have a psychologist appointment, lots of trouble getting there but it went well, was in and out and set up two more appointments one alone and the other with my Mom Dad and Sister. Later that night we got a call from the hospital, I was told my Mom was there and didn't look like she would make it through the night. My Grandparents came down and drove us to Credit Vally Hospital. I saw my Mom for the first time in a year since I cut off all contact with her, and for the last time alive. She had taken a mouths worth of her lithium and passed out hitting her head and falling into the bathtub. No one had found her for two days, she was in a coma. I spent the next day at school in a daze. On Wesday morning she died, my aunt Cheryl saw her go. We went there at 6, but she was already gone, I went in and saw her body, it didn't look alive, the respirator was still in it, making it look like she was breathing, but the skin was already a greenish yellow, she was on her way. The sun was in my eyes the ride back and I wanted to go to school, not wanting to be with my family. We didn't even know what we were going to do and it seems now as if it was so long ago. I couldn't get up the next day, and ended up late or something I don't remember that clearly, this is when I started to ask my friends if they would come to the funeral service. On Friday, Denise, Shannon, and my Dad went to my Mom's place to pick up her stuff. She had four cats, they have been alone in there with out food for at lest a week. The smell must have been unbareable, and the place looked like it was ransacked. Katherine, Blue, Scott and Jordy came over and proceeded to try to cheer me up, I was in a such a state that I was intellectuizing everything so they didn't have much luck. My Kindergharden Teacher Mrs.Lawerence wrote my a beautiful letter that made me cry. My Dad got home with what they could salvage. Shannon Denise and him proceeded to get as drunk as possible. Later on speculation of it not being suicide sprang up, but was written off as drunken thoughts. The funereal was held on Tuesday at the Sheriden United church, which has a room named after my Grandpa inside. Katie's step Dad was the reverend that overlooked the ceremony. I was so happy to see how many people came to saport me. It so overwhelming the service went through and I could just feel everyone paying so much attention. I was the first to say goodbye and I still hold in my heart that she is on her way.The aftermath: Well I still am fucked up by this, I need to sort it out, doesn't help with exams, failing, and not really having someone to spill my guts to and hold me. Meh, I am going to get through this. Yesterday my oven decided to try to blow up, I stopped it before it could, but not before my sister could make my live just a little bit worse my phoning my dad. I am glad Brandon is here for me right now, despite his own misery. I hope I can help him. The big upper of the day was doing my media presentation on Tim Burton It felt great. But today was really depressing, I have given up on passing and am now just trying to get ready for next sumesster. I was given a perfect on the presentation and a high mark on a history test, which just seemed to magnifies the fact that I couldn't do anything. So, already feeling like shit and not wanting to deal with anything, Miss Cole came and started yelling at me for failing, saying I had to bring my mark up and that I had ADD. I Finally snapped and told her I didn't have ADD and I was fed up with everyone telling me I did, and that I was also fed up with being told it was a crutch to hold me up, she got pissed and let me know. Now she is going to be on my case for the rest of the year. So if I fail one more class I will be thrown out, at lest thats what she says, and yet I rarely skip, and am not on contract. I want to be out of this fucking contact program and her get the fuck away from me, I don't want to deal with this shit, I am going to pass the rest of my classes and I know this, I also know I was going to fail all of these ones. Please just make it all go away and let me relax or at lest give me a chance to find someone I will be motivated to do this for, because I don't like me, I need someone else.Ok, that is all...A Fatalistic Bowl of Petunias